I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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