i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
