we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
