i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
