My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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