that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
