Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
