He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
