Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
