Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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