Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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