Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
