how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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