It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
