Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
