Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
