You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
