fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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