Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
