i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
