i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
