I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I didn't notice because vodka
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
