Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
