Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
