tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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