so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
