hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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