I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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