if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
