Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
