Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
