forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
