Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
