woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
