She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
