I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
