So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
