worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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