the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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