Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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