can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
