I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She needs sedatives and a leash
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
