I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
