I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
