You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
