Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
