Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
