Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
