who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
