i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
