I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
